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JUDGMENT DAY The time had come. It was judgment day. Jesus Christ has made his rounds and is headed for Brooklyn, New York. As he approaches, he says, "nice bridge." Across the Hudson River he sees a very large sign that says, "Read God's Word, the Watchtower, Every Day". "Strange", he muses. "I don't remember seeing THOSE words before". He enters a large building that appeared to be in much disrepair. The printing presses were silent. The building looked vacant. Upon further inspection, he discovers a room with 5 very old men having a meeting. "Excuse me, gentlemen", he says, but I am the Lord Jesus Christ and I'm here to determine how you've treated my Sheep." One of the men says, "Could you come back later? We're having a Committee Meeting right now." Jesus asks, "What is a Committee Meeting?" The man answers "it is a secret session in which we determine the guilt or innocence of someone". Jesus then asks, "I thought that job belonged to me. Well, anyway, whom are you judging?" Another man pipes in, "it is Brother George Orwell here at Bethel. He was overheard grumbling about the food he was served in the Cafeteria the other day." Jesus queries, "Ok, so what is the crime?" "Apostasy", the man replies. "Apostasy is a very grievous sin", said Jesus. "But I don't think that complaining about food qualifies as apostasy". "It certainly does", answered one of the octogenarians. "It's in the Book". "What book?", asks Jesus. "Insight in the Freedom of the Sons of Paradise Regained Which Leads to Eternal Life, With Liberty and Justice For All", replied the man. Jesus decides to change the subject. "Well, as I said, I'm here to determine how you have cared for my sheep. You have been given a great responsibility, and now you must account for your actions. How many of my sheep do you now tend?". "Well, there's just we 5 at this time. And maybe a few believers in areas which do not have access to the Internet yet. We're not sure." "What happened to them all?", Jesus inquires. "They're either disfellowshipped, disassociated or dead", was the reply. "How could this happen? We are talking about a lot of decent people, here", the Lord demanded to know. "They wouldn't follow the rules of the Society", was the answer. Jesus was becoming more and more irritated. "Society? What Society? I don't got to give my Sheep no stinking 'Society'!" "May I remind you that you talked about a 'faithful and discreet slave' class?", said Brother Childless. "Based upon what I've heard so far, it sounds to me like you interpreted those words to mean 'faithful and discrete slave-HOLDER class", answered Jesus. "But we were just trying to keep your flock clean", pleaded one man. "Well, to the contrary, it looks like like you've CLEANED OUT my flock", Jesus retorted. "But we've kept the flock MORAL, Lord Jesus", said the Leader. "How can you rationalize doing IMMORAL things in order to keep My Flock MORAL?", was Jesus' retort. "But we were following YOUR words when we tried to keep the Congregations chaste and celibate", was the desperate reply. "You are reading your stupid New World Translation again. I didn't use the word celibate. I used the word CELEBRATE!", quipped the Lord. "Oh." Jesus had become very agitated. "I will return later to complete my judgment of you, after I have had some time to cool down." And he left. The old men looked at each other. One said, "Since we have stated time and time again that Jesus' return would be invisible, and we all saw him with our own eyes, and spoke with him, I move that we add this issue to our current agenda". The move was seconded and unanimously adopted. The agenda for the day was:
Doug Checketts |
